Why am I so self destructive?

Yes, I used to cut myself (and starve myself).  There I’m saying it.  It’s like everyone in the world wants to ask what happened to my leg.  Is it not obvious?  The cluster of long deep scarred lines running down my thigh.  They used to be on my wrists, til people noticed.  I haven’t in a while, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to because believe me I do.  I just don’t want more questions.  Everyday I get asked about these scars.  By people I know and by random strangers in stores.  Eventually, everyone asks.  My answer is always the same, “Oh…they’ve always been there…”  Change subject.  What am I supposed to say?  It’s not like anyone would understand; You would never understand the feeling, the addiction.  The want to destroy yourself for not being perfect so just maybe, someone won’t abandon you.

But, I am not ashamed of my scars.  I love them.

3 notes
Posted on Tuesday, 24 July
Tagged as: BPD boderline personality disorder personal self harm cutting
  1. kaylacramer posted this